I have conformation! A sighting has been made! In fact, millions of sightings! Did I just say millions!? Yes, millions! Millions of Messy people… I mean REALLY messy people, roam the great United States. Millions of people exist who know exactly, or at least relatively closely, what I am going through. I am not the only Big Foot after all! Those curious accumulators of clutter, those mysterious makers of messes, those disorganized developers of disarray, those ridiculous wreakers of wreckage… are real. They exist! Hallelujah, I have kinfolk! NOW I’ve discovered that not only do they exist, but Sloppy Josies have worth too. Of course, I already knew I had worth to God. He created me. I am his child. Nothing I do, say, think or even mess up can change the fact that he loves me.
Now I read an awful lot about dignity in the book Messies 2, and I have to tell you, I have mixed feelings about that word. I think of a dignified person as a stuffy, serious, uptight person, who doesn’t know how to have any fun. They may be very nice and very good people, but the term “dignified” has an innate “boring” attached to it, at least in my mind. All I can think about is that I don’t want to be stuffy, serious, uptight and boring. I like my silly side. I think if I was being honest, I even like my messy side. But how could that possibly be? The messes in my life have brought about nothing good. The only thing my mess has done for me is give me a sense of identity, not necessarily a healthy identity, but an identity nonetheless. Why is this so important? We all want to be someone and know who we are. Maybe I’m afraid that if I was no longer messy and chaotic, I would lose my identity and cease to be me… then who would I be? But let’s be real for a minute, If I suddenly started walking around in matching socks, with my hair fixed and makeup that was applied in a well lit and sparkling clean bathroom mirror, I would still be me… just a me with a little bit of style and a little bit of grace… and I do stress the words… LITTLE BIT. So what is dignity? Well, in my thesaurus these are some of the words that fall beneath it: self-respect, self esteem, poise, pride, worth, and goodness. There are other words there as well, but all in all dignity does not sound like such a bad thing when you dress it up as one of its synonyms. So I’m going to dump the dignity, and focus on some of those other words. Self-respect, self-esteem, worth and goodness.
So what does all this mean to me? What implication does my mindset have on my home? I have always been a less than organized person. In school I did well, but I would be the one who crammed the night before, or sometimes even the class before (or not at all). I turned in assignments late. I was always tardy for the first class of the day. I arrived at high school the same way I still arrive places today; wet hair, simple clothes, no makeup, and very hurried. Makeup is done in car mirrors or church bathrooms, clothes are looked at and shrugged upon, hair is long and not styled or thrown up in a ponytail. I walk away from a mirror shaking my head and letting out loud sighs. The funny thing is, that’s the same thing I do when I walk in and out of every room in my house. I feel confused and clouded on the inside. My head is muddled and foggy. I forget and worry and feel overwhelmed. If you could physically SEE my state of mind, I having a feeling it would look a lot like my house. So maybe getting a hold of a sense of self-worth will do more than spare my friends and family from seeing me walk across the room in a pair of my husband’s mismatched socks, or a pair of jeans with baby boogers dried to them. Maybe a little self-worth and self esteem is truly necessary for me to finally say enough is enough. God never intended for me to live this way… inside or out.